Doubt

Can one be "more" doubtful? Is doubt, like the word unique, so emphatic that it can't (or shouldn't) be modified, embellished, or increased in value?

I guess it doesn't matter. What's more important is how the word applies to you (and me) as a writer.

Once I put the finishing touches on The Mine, a different kind of thriller, I set it aside for years. It had been gone over by an editor who enthusiastically recommended some changes and polishing, which I attended to -- before storing it on a floppy disk, a CD, and a backup drive. Storage and backup had nothing to do with doubt, understand. I just didn't want to face the arduous task of looking for an agent. Something to do with rejection, I'm sure.

As I began working on other projects, I allowed this manuscript to linger until finally, I decided to put it in eBook format.

It was well after submitting the work in kindle and smashwords format that the doubt set in. Was it good enough? Would anyone buy it? Did I have what it takes to promote the book myself? Was it priced right?

Months and months later, I decided to look for answers to some of these questions, and to do that, I pulled up my final draft and read the novel again.

I think overall it's good enough. In fact, it's pretty darn good -- except. I think it starts too slowly. After the prolog, the pace could use a little help. However, about half way through, the plot gets more involved and eventually, it turns into a rather exciting finish. People have purchased it, although not as many as I'd like. As for self-promotion, I'm working on that. But, even at the bargain price of $2.99, only one person reviewed the book on Amazon.

I hate to tell you how I feel about my second novel, the start of a detective series, but I will. It, too, starts slowly.  I think the twists and turns of the plot are good enough and the ending is great, if I say so myself.

I'm just wondering ... how does doubt fit into your work? Do you ever wish you could have a do-over? More importantly, do you make amends for your doubts in your next work?

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• Doubt (changedbychange.com)

The ebook journey - Part nine: Waiting

It took a bit longer than 24 hours for The Mine to pass the review stage on Amazon's Kindle page.

I believed the review process would be the final step but apparently there's one more -- publishing. The novel has been in that stage for about the same 24-hour time period and my sense of dread is growing. Those people who live in my head are having nonstop anxiety conversations.

What if there's a mistake? What if she missed a typo? What if it doesn't look like an ebook? Are you sure the cover is going to be sufficiently attractive? What if it gets stuck in the publishing stage? Did she miss a step along the way? How is she going to promote this baby? And finally, the worst question: What if nobody buys the darn thing?

Then somebody up there chimed in with a totally unrelated question: "What's the correct way to spell ebook (eBook, Ebook, EBook)?"

Think I'll take the day off and work in the yard.

The confident writer

My laptop is stuffed with words. Like the cavity of a Thanksgiving turkey, my documents folder bulges with archives of everything I’ve written over the last twelve years – articles, short stories, poetry and a couple of novels. (Many of the non-fiction pieces have been published in magazines or on the web.)

Last week, I scanned through the morass of titles, chose a dozen of these gems, one from each year, and read them. Except for one, I liked them. Except for one, they put me back to the time they were written. They returned me to my desk, my sofa, my office. They allowed me to see the past, hear the noises, and recall the people who walked by, peered over my shoulder, asked me questions. Except for one, the experience of perusing this small group of words gave me a rush of satisfaction: I knew how to write something worth reading!

Except for one.

That particular article read like a bad short story written by a stranger.

I wrote that article during a short stint as a managing editor. I’d been talking to a co-worker about a submission. She insisted this piece was definitely worth publishing because the writer had never been rejected. Everything he’d ever written had been accepted, from his first work while in college to his current articles in major magazines.

Her glowing praise had dampened my own confidence as a writer, and that doubt crept into my work, inserted itself between the commas, chopped off thoughts before they materialized into meaningful prose.

That punch in the creative stomach didn’t have a lasting affect; however, I’m sure the cause and effect clearly relates to how I think and feel about my foray into fiction. I can imagine friends and family enjoying my work but worry if that same work will resonate with strangers. Will I measure up to their expectations? Will they think I’m good at my craft? Will they demean my talent?

Despite the self-doubt that creeps into my thoughts, I continue to write. When I write, I enjoy the process; I like my words; take pleasure in how writing makes me feel, and because of that, I will bask in the glory of praise and steel myself against negative reviews.

That’s about as confident as I can be.

How about you?

***

A very popular error: having the courage of one’s convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack on one’s convictions!!!
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Quote of the day

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.

Sylvia Plath


Read Sylvia Plath:
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath