The confident writer

My laptop is stuffed with words. Like the cavity of a Thanksgiving turkey, my documents folder bulges with archives of everything I’ve written over the last twelve years – articles, short stories, poetry and a couple of novels. (Many of the non-fiction pieces have been published in magazines or on the web.)

Last week, I scanned through the morass of titles, chose a dozen of these gems, one from each year, and read them. Except for one, I liked them. Except for one, they put me back to the time they were written. They returned me to my desk, my sofa, my office. They allowed me to see the past, hear the noises, and recall the people who walked by, peered over my shoulder, asked me questions. Except for one, the experience of perusing this small group of words gave me a rush of satisfaction: I knew how to write something worth reading!

Except for one.

That particular article read like a bad short story written by a stranger.

I wrote that article during a short stint as a managing editor. I’d been talking to a co-worker about a submission. She insisted this piece was definitely worth publishing because the writer had never been rejected. Everything he’d ever written had been accepted, from his first work while in college to his current articles in major magazines.

Her glowing praise had dampened my own confidence as a writer, and that doubt crept into my work, inserted itself between the commas, chopped off thoughts before they materialized into meaningful prose.

That punch in the creative stomach didn’t have a lasting affect; however, I’m sure the cause and effect clearly relates to how I think and feel about my foray into fiction. I can imagine friends and family enjoying my work but worry if that same work will resonate with strangers. Will I measure up to their expectations? Will they think I’m good at my craft? Will they demean my talent?

Despite the self-doubt that creeps into my thoughts, I continue to write. When I write, I enjoy the process; I like my words; take pleasure in how writing makes me feel, and because of that, I will bask in the glory of praise and steel myself against negative reviews.

That’s about as confident as I can be.

How about you?

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A very popular error: having the courage of one’s convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack on one’s convictions!!!
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche